Art of Networking

"Enough about Me, Let's Talk about You!"
How to make one-to-ones two-sided

by Dan and Penny Georgevich, Executive Directors, BNI – Michigan

We recently asked a massage therapist how things were going with her new BNI networking group. She said, “So far so good. I’ve even landed a couple of new clients. But I do have a question about how the one-to-one meetings are supposed to work. I was so excited when another long-time member invited me to meet with her for a one-to-one over lunch, because she said she wanted to learn more about my business.”
But they spent the first 55 minutes of a one-hour lunch talking about the veteran member’s product and why she should buy it! While the veteran mentioned she wanted to learn about the types of massage she offered, she never once asked anything about her line of work. At the end, she asked for her business card. But other than that, the newbie member never had the opportunity to talk about her business.

“Is this how one-to-ones are supposed to go?” she queried.

Unfortunately, no. This massage therapist was on the wrong side of a one-sided one-to-one. Normally, one-to-ones are among the best strategies to create strong relationships within your networks. But if you’re too centered on yourself and your business, your meeting may not go any further ­­– just like the story above. The thoughts you share, the words you use, and the questions you ask can spark a successful networking relationship.
Here are some suggestions to make your one-to-one meetings less one-sided—so they are more productive:

Make it about the other person. In a one-to-one meeting, strive to put the focus on the other person. When you do that, the meeting is bound to be fruitful and build trust. If you both do this, you’ll spend an equal amount of time learning about how to support each other.

Be careful about what you say. Before you speak, ask yourself, “What is your intent?” It should be to focus on the other person. You want to learn about them to help identify ways you can help them.
The more you know… then the easier it will be to add this person to your “sales team.” By finding out whom he or she knows and how he or she works, you’ll be able to see how this person can work for you—and vice versa. With this “getting-to-know-you” strategy in mind, every one-to-one meeting will be a win-win situation.

Turn Conversation Faux-pas into Conversation Triumphs

We’ve heard some great stories about one-to-one meetings—many that drive away potential referrals. Here’s what not to do, and some suggestions to make your conversation great:

1. “Let me tell you everything, and then some, about my favorite product!”
If you lead with a core dump about your best product, you will cause a system crash. And if you monopolize the conversation, you may find that it is the last conversation you get to monopolize with that person. Use something that will create a positive response instead!

Suggestion: “What product or service are you most proud of?”

2. “I love golf; don’t you just love golf, too?”
While one-to-one meetings are a great way to find common ground, you don’t have to overdo it. Your sport or hobby may not be the best way to connect with someone, and your favorite pastime does not have to win over the other party. When it comes to conversations about favorite pastimes, ask the other person to share information; it shows how interested you are in them.
Suggestion: “What is the one thing that you enjoy doing most outside of work?”

3. “You need my product, and you need to buy it from me now.”
A quick sale now will be just that: One. Quick. Sale. If you push hard, you’ll get pushback. Rather than treating a one-to-one meeting with a networking partner as a sales call, look at it as a way to develop a relationship that will be mutually beneficial. Position yourself correctly and you’ll reap the benefits of a relationship that will grow over time.

Suggestion: “What can we do to build trust and create future referral opportunities?”
One-to-one meetings are key to developing stronger, more in-depth business relationships. But what and how you communicate can limit how far the business relationship goes. You’ve probably heard, “Enough about me, let’s talk about you. So what do you think of me?” Even if you’ve never heard those exact words, it’s likely you’ve experienced something very similar.

It’s very simple: Pushy is bad. Thoughtful is good. Whether it’s a new connection or one that has survived the test of time, by focusing on your one-to-one partner, you’ll create a solid networking relationship that can bring you a lifetime of business.