Network With Your Ears!

An Epiphany

Since joining BNI, I have learned more than I ever imagined I would about networking and how to use the power of people to grow a business. More importantly, BNI has caused me to think about how I interact with others in general.

Through the trainings, resources, and the wealth of available knowledge among the members, BNI continues to teach me how to be better at networking and at business; that I can always find improvement if I look for it. From time to time, I am hit with an epiphany like Trigger Networking. That was a good one.

While preparing my EC moment for today's meeting (and bouncing ideas off my wife), I was hit by another. What started as an object lesson about carefully listening to as well as hearing others, it struck me that the principles that make for a strong marriage (Trust, Communication, and Commonality) are the same principles that make for a good networker.

Trust, Communication, and Commonality

Trust

Every successful relationship is rooted in "trust." Without it, nobody would allow themselves to be placed in the type of vulnerable position that is necessary for growth, development, or change of any significant kind; the kind that gives the notion of "trust" any real meaning.

In a marriage, trust factors in everywhere from fidelity to finances, difficult decision-making to life-saving discretion. My wife can trust that I will save all of my kisses for her and keep her secrets locked away.

Likewise, in networking, trust is the fundamental foundation upon which relationships are built. Before I will even consider giving a referral, I must know for sure that an individual will deliver quality, integrity, and honest pricing. I will not give a referral to someone with whom I have not or would not do the same business myself.

Communication

Like life, trust cannot exist in a vacuum. Rather, trust is the product of many different demonstrated characteristics, qualities, and interactions all linked by the thread of communication.

What we say and what we do are essential elements of communication, though in the "big picture," no element is as critical as what we hear. That's right, the most significant and impactful communication tool is "listening."

Being heard is empowering. As the husband of the best wife one could hope for, I know that [almost] nothing brings us as close as when she both listens to and hears what I have to say and vice versa. Being heard gives me confidence in myself and my ideas. Knowing that she considers what I have to say is important makes me want to work harder to not let her down.

Networking is no different. A good networker does not listen to respond. A good networker listens to hear. When someone is talking about their business, there can be nothing more important in the world for that moment. A good networker is not thinking about what he or she is going to say next or how to use what they have just heard to their own advantage; a good networker listens to hear what's most important: how he or she can help the other person. Remember "Givers Gain"?

Think about it: When you meet someone for the first time and show them that you consider what they have to say is important to you, it gives them confidence and makes them want to work harder to not let you down; it draws them to you...it creates the foundation upon which trust can be built.

However, you must be sincere. Pretending to listen will never carry the day. If you don't have it in you to be genuine and sincere, just walk away because the specter of failure will not be far behind and there's no need to put that stench on the rest of us.

Commonality

If trust is the foundation and communication is the linking thread, then commonality is the structure within which relationships are built.

My wife and I come from decidedly different backgrounds. We were raised 6 years and 3,000 miles apart. Where I had city streets, she had rolling hills. Where I had beaches and playgrounds, she had mountains and woods. Where I had Duran Duran and Phil Collins, she had Ozzy Osborn and Metallica. She learned to save. I learned to spend. She learned employment. I learned entrepreneurialism. How else can I say it? We are different.

On the other hand, for as different as we are, we are alike. We value education and hard work. We value honesty and integrity. We value individuals over groups. We value humility over conceit. We laugh at blue humor and we prefer Diet Coke. We value family above all. Quite simply, our differences make us unique, while our commonality makes us a team.

The same is true for networking. Each of us is different. Our businesses are different; our priorities are different; our background, education, and training are all different and that makes us valuable to one another. At the same time, our commonalities bring us together and offers the common ground upon which to build... it makes us a team.

These are not tricks or tips for success, they are reminders of what must be real before you can realize success. They are reminders of what distinguishes the members of High Trust BNI.

If you want to network, talk all you want. If you want to build a network, you must network with your ears.