Recipe for Success. Recipe for Disaster.

Since the first caveman grunted to the second caveman, interpersonal communication has been responsible for the creation and destruction of entire cultures, civilizations...and businesses.

It is said that "sticks and stone" break bones, but "words" will never hurt you. Of course, anyone older than 10 knows that nothing could be farther from the truth. Overt verbal abuse (negative communication) has led to violence among nations and suicide among individuals of all ages - and that is just words. Just look at the news. Naturally, it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that overt negative communication is a sure way to drive any business into the ground. Hopefully, for success-oriented business owners, negative communication is not part of the lexicon.

On the other hand, it is the miscommunication; the mixed message; the misunderstood or misinterpreted phrasing that can lead to irreversible damage to one's image and that of a business.

In my business, for example, lives and livelihoods are saved and broken based on the simple difference between what is said and what is intended. "I hope you get what you deserve," is an opinion until something bad happens, then it becomes evidence. "You shouldn't eat that, it's not good for you," though intended as commentary on eating healthier and lowering cholesterol, actually sounds like: "wow, you're fat." Indeed miscommunication has led to many sleepless nights on lumpy sofas.

Through the ages, individuals have arranged and rearranged words to elicit emotion and convey feeling, to strike fear and bring calm, to help and to hurt. William Shakespeare's "...a rose by any other name would smell as sweet..." has endured for generations as a means to say: "it is what it is." In stark contrast, George W. Bush unwittingly ruined the phrase: "Mission Accomplished," as its newest meaning seems to be: "Mission Accomplished, but we are nowhere near finished and have a long way to go and the mission is not, in fact, accomplished by any stretch of the imagination."

Simply put, words are just words until they are arranged and given meaning & context, that's when they become communication. That's when things can go wrong.

If you think back really far, you will recall that we actually learned to prevent miscommunication in about third or fourth grade. It was about that time we were told - over and over - to think before we speak; to consider what effect our words could have on others. That lesson clung loosely until about Junior High, that's when we discovered how sarcasm, and other such verbal tools, could be used to elicit laughter and tears, anger and tranquility...and the horses were out of the barn.

Now here we are in an age of instant and incessant communication. Face to face and voice to voice communication has given way to the sterility of email and the emotionlessness of text and the limitations of Twitter's 140 characters, etc. Context is no longer divined from facial expression and body language, vocal inflection and intonation. Context has become a matter of first impression; a veritable crap-shoot as to how a given message will be received. And once received and perceived, there is no going back.

So, What Do We Do?

Well, when it comes to business, never forget the power of the human face and the strength of the human voice. Remember that nobody does business with a business; we do business with people. Yes, I will be the first to say that "business is not personal, it's business," but business relationships are very much personal and must be respected accordingly. Likewise, collegial transactions may be business, but collegial relationships are also personal, whether you like it (or agree with it) or not and must be respected accordingly.

 

A fundamental tenant of BNI is that success is forged from relationships rather than sales. I agree. Building, nurturing, and maintaining relationships on all levels and in all directions is how BNI members grow successful businesses and produce happy customers and clients.

 

The philosophy is simple: The customer is not always right, but the customer is always the customer and how we communicate with each customer and each other can and often does affect every other customer...and every other...other. You know what I mean, don't you?

Remember to convey messages, not words; tell people what you want them to hear, not what you want to say. Consider the likely response to everything you say, not what you intend. After all it is said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Basically, think before you speak and let success happen.